Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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