I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Someone came in the potted fern
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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