i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
