If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
