Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
