I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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