The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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