3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
