My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
