An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
