lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
