my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
