i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
