I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
