Christians are straight up FREAKS
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
