Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
do nipples grow back?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
