After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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