and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
