I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
