I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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