dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
as a side note pls kill me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
