Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
