I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
