I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Two words: blizzard sex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
