Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
