omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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