I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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