he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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