you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
