she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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