i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
