When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
