the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
