is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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