I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
