I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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