this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
