I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
