He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
