before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my shit smells like andre
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
