he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
