Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
