It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
