My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
