dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
