I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
