So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
