just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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