my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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