I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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